Open, poly or just friendly?

Tiger Tale shares his views on sharing himself

Let me start by saying I am ‘polyamorous’ (‘poly’ for short). According to Wikipedia:

Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor[love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

A lot of people assume, particularly when a guy says he’s poly, that it’s really just an excuse to fuck around. At best I would call that an Open Relationship (1) and at worst not much more than glorified Fuck Buddies (2).

Personally I define polyamoury as having meaningful connections with more than one partner, however not all of these connections have to be sexual. The important thing is that each connection is had with the ‘knowledge and consent of all partners concerned’.

I realised some time ago that I’m not good at monogamy. For starters, I love women so I tend to surround myself with people I find enchanting. My social circle is composed of several close male friends and a constantly varying number of women. Some stay, while others are fleeting — just to clarify, I’m talking friends here, confidants, rather than bed partners. The problem is, not everyone is comfortable with having their partner spend large amounts of quality time with people of the opposite sex.

I have often heard women say the thought of their husband confiding in someone else is more of a betrayal than if he had just been having sex with them. Over time I’ve found that I struggle to have one person meet all my needs, be they sexual, intellectual or emotional. It’s a pretty big ask to expect one person to be so shaped that they are everything that I (or anyone else) requires in a life-partner. Polyamoury is about trust and honesty; it’s about surrounding yourself with a support network of people you love and cherish, effectively like choosing your own family.

I believe that humans are traditionally tribal creatures and that today’s society has stripped a great deal of that away. Living a poly lifestyle takes us closer to our tribal roots. Yes, there are problems, including jealousy, accommodation, and prejudice. In fact a fully-embraced poly lifestyle is no easier than any other relationship, but for me it has its own unique benefits. You develop a strong support network, sharing the burdens of cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing if several of you live together, and you always have someone there when you need, knowing your partner/s also have someone there for them when you can’t be. For your children, it’s like having a big extended family of uncles, aunts and cousins who are always around to help and console and simply enjoy life with.

People worry that if their partner also loves someone else, they in turn, will be loved less. Love is not a finite resource. We all need it, but it doesn’t ‘run out’. Instead I have found that the more I spread my love, the more love I create. Yes there are issues with time management, and sometimes I do feel a tug of jealousy, but ultimately I feel I am creating something beautiful, bringing love and companionship to others, while taking love and companionship in return.

I’m poly because I choose it, because I choose love and support and I refuse to burden one person with all of my needs when they can so easily be shared. I’ve chosen this lifestyle because it works for me. After failed relationships and dishonesty I’m happier and more settled now than I have ever been.

–Tiger

(1)According to Wikipedia ‘An open relationship is an interpersonal relationship in which the parties want to be together, but in which they agree that a romantic or sexual relationship with another person is accepted, permitted or tolerated.’

(2)’A casual relationship, colloquially known as a fling, is a physical and emotional relationship between two people who may have a sexual relationship (a situation colloquially called friends with benefits or fuck buddies) or a near-sexual relationship without necessarily demanding or expecting the extra commitments of a more formal romantic relationship.’

About Tiger Tale

Tiger Tale is a mad collector of books and spends a lot of time making sure he doesn't go to work too much. Tiger is on a search for love and affection and their true meaning to him.
This entry was posted in open relationship, polyamoury, relationship dynamics. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Open, poly or just friendly?

  1. Pingback: Having my cake | Rhonda Perky's Bits

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