When too much porn is never enough

Tiger Tale regales on what it means to need to start over

‘A growing number of young, healthy Internet pornography users are complaining of delayed ejaculation, inability to be turned on by real partners, and sluggish erections’ – Marnia Robinson, Psychology Today.

It’s a little embarrassing really, I’m a horny guy. I know the assumption that all guys are horny, but I’m really horny. Apparently I have excess testosterone. For me that means I have and enjoy a lot of sex. I don’t go for the nameless variety and I’m open with my partners, but I have noticed over time that things have changed.

I still feel the same, in that I desire the same amount of sex, but I’m finding it harder to reach orgasm. My tastes have broadened, I’ve explored different areas of sexuality and yet it seems the more I discover the worse the problem gets. In fact sometimes it’s hard to maintain an erection during ordinary sex without some form of direct stimulation (and by that I don’t mean my partner).

As you can imagine I find this a mite distressing. I pride myself on my talents as a lover; what am I then if they desert me? Possibly a little shallow, but I’m trying to be honest.

After doing a bit of investigation, it turns out I’m not the first guy to experience these kinds of problems. According to Marnia Robinson, author of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow:

‘Threads relating to this issue are springing up all over the Web on bodybuilding, medical help, and pick-up artist forums, in at least twenty countries’ – Psychology Today.

From what I’ve read, I have been lucky. I haven’t suffered complete dysfunction, just less reliability. Think of it like this: normally an erection just happens. You get excited, you get it up, and you get busy. For me, I get excited, I get it up, but to maintain my erection during sex I have to concentrate, focus, and fantasise – just about anything except what I want to do, which is relax and enjoy myself and my partner.

Possibly the worst part is the lack of orgasm. It’s not that I can’t achieve it, but I have to focus so hard on staying erect that I psyche myself out. Sex stops being a pleasurable activity and becomes a task, and ultimately I end up faking it.

Ironically more stimulation and porn exacerbates the problem. I believe from what I have read and observed within my own body’s behaviour that I am addicted to porn and porn-style sex. To clarify, this differs from ordinary sex in that the behaviours involved aren’t normal, instead reflecting those found in hardcore pornography. I need more and more extreme stimulation just to stay in the game.

‘With a buffet including live sex chat, new naked chicks with every click, multiple windows, and escalating levels of hardcore, what actually happens inside the brain is a form of overdosing.’ – Ask Men

Porn addiction is like any other addiction. The stimulation makes you feel good, causing your brain to release a hit of dopamine, the same chemical released when using drugs such as cocaine and methamphetamine. As with these highly addictive drugs, exposure over time can cause your brain to rewire so that its pleasure centres trigger for the stimulant, and cause tolerance or desensitisation.

From what I have read on various forums and from other people’s experiences, the way to cure it is to go cold turkey. Two months with no porn, no masturbation, and hopefully my neural pathways will rewire and I’ll start enjoying my sex life again.

I plan to diarise my thoughts, feelings, stresses and freak-outs at least once a week for this period, just to see if I notice any difference, and if I can do it at all. So wish me luck and I’ll write you soon.

–Tiger