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Author Archives: Adventure Girl
A conditional hug
My grieving process began. I mourned not for something I had lost, but for something I never had…I had to accept that you can’t change the past, just as you can’t change other people. Nor can you force them to see the past from your point of view. You can only change yourself, your own perspective, and your future. Continue reading
‘Coping’ — side-stepping the moment
I could no longer distinguish childhood me from the person I am now. I had no mechanism to escape the shame of everything I have ever been and loathed: jealous, insecure, manipulative, weak, helpless, angry. The anger that is inside me at times is frightening, and I couldn’t switch it off. Occasionally it leaks out, unexpectedly, and completely misdirected. Then I feel more shame for having lost control so inappropriately. Most of all I wanted to stop being a burden on the people around me, especially my partner, who had to put up with my crazy. Continue reading
Posted in little bits of life, reflections
Tagged cancer, dissociation, needing help, PTSD, trauma
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The friendship destroyer
At some point you have probably encountered a friendship-destroyer. I’m sure you know her, or one just like her. She latches on to you, you introduce her to your friends, she latches on to your friends. She causes fights and provokes jealousies. Your friends, who were getting along just fine before, are divided, and eventually their relationships are destroyed. Continue reading
Posted in friendship, reflections
Tagged attention-seeking, break-ups, control, friends of friends, narcissist
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Seeing all sides
Adventure Girl learns the perils of too few points of view Over the years I have encountered many people who appear incapable of seeing anything from another person’s point of view. You probably know someone like this. Someone who is always … Continue reading
Posted in friendship, little bits of life, personal, reflections, social commentary
Tagged cognitive dissonance, lack of empathy, POV, self belief, truth
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‘But I want them to like me!’
Adventure Girl learns a lesson in setting boundaries and saying no At the beginning of last year I made a resolution to ‘stop collecting crazies’. It sounds a little ridiculous when I write it out, but after a succession of … Continue reading
Posted in friendship, personal, reflections, relationship dynamics
Tagged assertiveness, insecurity
2 Comments
Finding my new ‘normal’
Adventure Girl learns a lesson in life after breast cancer ‘You are a strong person. Just because you are feeling these things now doesn’t mean you aren’t strong underneath. You are reacting to things that have happened to you, and that’s … Continue reading
Posted in jealousy, personal, reflections
Tagged breast cancer, DCIS, health, insecurity, self-confidence
4 Comments
An African Adventure
I’ve been in eastern Africa for a week now and I’m not sure where to start: the poverty, the corruption, HIV, the culture, the church. Right now I’m camped inside the grounds at a Kenyan orphanage. It is both warming … Continue reading
Posted in Africa, reflections, travel
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Drawing back the curtains
Adventure Girl finds a way to let in the light Sometimes it feels like I’m sitting alone in the dark — wherever I happen to be — and that no matter how many different ways I try to get to … Continue reading
Posted in reflections
Tagged depression, insecurity, self-confidence, self-esteem, suicide
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Cutting the ties that bind
Adventure Girl learns the hard way that some things never change ‘I didn’t break contact because of the way he treated my mother in the divorce; I used the divorce as an opportunity to break contact. His behaviour at that … Continue reading
Holding on by letting go
Adventure Girl learns a lesson in unleashing her green-eyed monster ‘Relationships of all kinds are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and … Continue reading
Posted in jealousy, reflections, relationship dynamics, relationships
Tagged control, desire, fear, insecurity, lust
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My dirty little secret, or ‘just another coming out story’
Adventure girl learns a lesson on playing for both sides ‘How did you cope being in a heterosexual relationship for ten years?’ For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a boyfriend. For longer than that, I’ve had fantasies … Continue reading
A square peg in a round hole
Adventure Girl learns a lesson on being ‘in like’ “If I was meant to come in a box with a label slapped across me, I would have been produced by Mattel.” Recently I met someone I actually connect with, who … Continue reading
Posted in adventures, libido, open relationship, personal, reflections, relationship dynamics
Tagged love, lust, married sex, monogamy, monotomy, polyarmoury
1 Comment
Love fool
Adventure Girl learns a lesson on being in lust ‘Knowing my luck, I’ll meet someone I actually want to be with who is rubbish in bed.’ People often talk about having a ‘type’, a particular physique or other combination of attributes … Continue reading
Posted in casual sex, dating, Domination & Submission, love, relationship dynamics
Tagged f-buddy, taste in men
2 Comments
Having my cake
Adventure Girl ponders the perils of wanting it all ‘So, you’re poly?’ ‘Um. I am?’ I consider myself a free agent. I like to see more than one person, ongoing but casually, and not always just for sex. Having one … Continue reading
Posted in casual sex, relationships
Tagged f-buddy, feminism, porn pile, sex positive, slut
4 Comments
10 Things I’ve learned about blogging
Adventure Girl learns a lesson in putting it on show I’ve been writing for Rhonda Perky’s Bitsfor just over a year now, and it seemed as good a time as any to take stock of some blogging lessons I’ve had … Continue reading
When the truth lies
Adventure Girl takes stock of a toxic truth ‘Just now I held up the fingers of my hand to you. You saw five fingers. Do you remember that?’ ‘Yes’ O’Brien held up the fingers of his left hand, with the thumb … Continue reading
Posted in reflections, relationships
Tagged abusive, cognitive dissonance, compulsive liar, Gaslighting, narcissism
3 Comments
The Rules of the Game
This is actually the first piece I wrote for Rhonda Perky’s Bits, but held off publishing for obvious reasons. It came to mind just now given I am re-entering the Game, hopefully this time, better equipped! Happy reading. –AG Adventure … Continue reading
Posted in casual sex, dating, relationships, single life
Tagged abusive, compulsive liar, expectations, f-buddy, rules
3 Comments
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My fear
Adventure Girl learns the true cost of being afraid ‘As a general rule, the less one’s sense of life fulfilment, the greater one’s death anxiety.’ –Dr Irvin Yalom, Love’s Executioner My father was an intimidating man who ruled by fear. … Continue reading →